Dear Citizens of Suburbia and Everywhere-
brains, streets, houses, telephone poles, brains, toasters, and game-playing devices are mine. Mine!
I can sense before the brain-feasting begins that you would like to know how I took over. Because why wouldn’t you? I am Dr. Zomboss, after all. And this was my most evilly inspired idea yet! I finally decided that only one was brilliant enough to aid me, and once realizing this, I asked myself for help. My future self! The only creature perhaps as smart as I am. Supplied with Z-Tech from future me (who is quite charming and really rather clever), I invented the most horrific, most wonderful, most clever invention of all time! More clever even than the Sun-blot Machine! Than the Awesome Air Stinkifier! Even more than the PopSmarts™ Handy Slicer!
I speak of the Z-Mech, which transforms giggly Imps into giggly giant machines of shimmering destruction! Oh, I also created Super Brainz, but he broke every mirror and had to stand in the Time-Out corner. But he is still a brilliant invention! And I, only I, Dr. Edgar G. Zomboss, could have unleashed the Z-Mech and then also put Captain Deadbeard, and all the other zombies, into the fray. You remember them, I know you do! Remember them, and remember it was I who used them to capture Suburbia. It was I! Admit it – you couldn’t have done it. Only I. Wait, what’s that orange roll-y thing that dares to roll on my streets? I must go attend, because no-one rolls on my streets. No one!
Please desist from any thoughts of attacking me, as they would be futile.
Sincerely-
Dr. Zomboss
